The Liking Principle

Brunch has always seemed an overrated concept to me. Restaurants use the term as an excuse to charge exorbitant prices for small plates of fancy pancakes and if the spot has any sort of reputation, there will be a lengthy wait time. It's with this attitude that we park the car and head towards the fanciest new brunch spot in Bend, OR. Patient patrons spill out into the parking lot as wait staff navigate around them with small plates of eggs benedict, bowls of fruit, and flutes of OJ. "There's going to be a wait," I groan to my friend group as we approach the host stand.

The fact that we can sip coffee while we wait seems to appease everyone else, but I just grow more frustrated with the fact that they don't have cream and sugar to put in it.

Half an hour goes by and by this time I'm not much fun to be around. We are finally seated at our table and the host tells us our waiter will be right with us. I grab my menu and let out an audible sigh as I brace myself for the sticker shock.

"DUDE! That is a SWEET mustache. I wish I could grow one like that. Are you a firefighter?" I look up to see who the guy standing at our table was talking to and find he's looking directly at me. I had recently shaved my beard after nearly six years so I had forgotten I even had a mustache. "I mean, it's new, I don't know if I'm going to keep it," I say quietly. "Brother, you have to. It's legit." I smile at our waiter's seemingly genuine compliment and without thinking order two appetizers for the table. When he leaves, the rest of the group all turn to me with quizzical looks in their eyes. I smile, shrug, and say, "He was nice! I'm starved."

It's said that a compliment can change someone's entire day, but you may not have realized that it's based in a psychological concept called the "Liking Principle."

First introduced by psychologist Dr. Robert Cialdini, he tells us that this principle is based in three important factors: we like people who are similar to us, we like people who pay us compliments, and we like people who cooperate with us towards mutual goals.

Whether our waiter genuinely liked my mustache or was simply vying for a bigger tip, he drastically changed my experience at their restaurant and my day as a whole, all with a singular compliment. Since that moment, the effect of a compliment to my mustache from someone in the service industry seems to compound. Each compliment reminding me of the last and each time resulting in a positive experience for me and the person serving me.

For some, complimenting others can seem odd, nerve-racking, or disingenuous. It can be easy to overthink what people's reaction may be and talk ourselves out of complimenting them. We have to remind ourselves that stakes are generally lower than we think, and people will almost always appreciate even surface level praise.

Complimenting others is a low stakes way to increase endorphins, establish a connection, and let others know, "This world ain't so bad after all."

Whether we want to increase our chances of a sale, better our chances of landing a job, or simply want to make someone's day, we can't overlook the power of a single compliment.

Fact

Compliments activate reward areas in the brain, boosting both the giver and receiver's mood.

Action

Give someone a genuine compliment today.

Question

Do you hesitate to compliment people, even if it's genuine? If so, why?

Quote

"I can live for two months on a good compliment." - Mark Twain