How Questions Hijack Our Brains

I'll never forget my first conversation with Bifu Nakatani.

It's 2020 and the world is fully virtual. I have been hired to plan and execute a virtual International Agriculture conference for 100 college students. In the past, the participants traveled outside the U.S. and were immersed in a rich cultural experience. With international travel no longer an option this year, I am having to get creative in trying to provide the cultural experiences.

I had already planned a virtual Italian cooking class, a greenhouse experience with people from the Netherlands, and a school trip with students from South Africa. The last experience was a Japanese tea and art ceremony with Bifu Nakatani, an artist and the head of a Japanese leaf tea ceremony.

I hire an interpreter and schedule a call with Bifu to gauge his interest in participating in our program. I pick at my cuticles as I wait for Bifu to join the call, unsure of how this entire experience would go. Before long, an elderly, slender Japanese man with a long grey chin beard and a ponytail appears on the screen. "Incredible," I think to myself.

As soon as his microphone connects, I nervously greet him and jump into business, explaining our program. I talk for two to three minutes before Bifu slowly holds his hand up and smiles. I stop talking long enough to realize my heart is racing and I'm practically panting. "I don't mean to change the subject, but please, can you tell me about yourself? I don't know anything about you."

I exhale and smile, a bit embarrassed to have forgone all decorum, but begin to tell Bifu about myself. 40 minutes pass in a blink and we hang up, plans solidified to have Bifu participate in our program.

Sitting there after the call I realize the Bifu changed both the trajectory of our meeting and how I felt internally with a simple question. After doing some research, there's a scientific explanation for this and it's called Instinctive Elaboration.

Neuroscientist John Medina tells us that, despite popular belief, we can't multitask. Therefor, when someone poses a question to us, our brain can't contemplate anything besides the answer to that question.

What is on your phone background? Even if just for a second, your brain was hijacked by the question and prompted the process of instinctive elaboration. Questions are influential as they can prompt the brain to consider a behavior and we know that the more often we consider a behavior, the more likely we are to act upon it.

Want to rekindle the flame in your relationship? Try asking a set of fresh questions when you get home instead of the same ones you ask every day.

Need to build rapport with a new client, professor, or colleague? Prepare questions that will drive the relationship in the direction you would like it to go.

Trying to shift a personal habit? Ask yourself questions to influence the behavior change you'd like to see.

Questions are a powerful and often overlooked tool to create change in our lives. If you want to change your life, start by changing your questions.

Fact

Back in 1993, social scientists Vicki Morwitz, Eric Johnson, and David Schmittlein conducted a study with more than 40,000 participants that revealed that simply asking someone if people were going to purchase a new car within six months increased their purchase rates by 35%.

Action

When someone asks, "How are you?" Make an effort to reply with a similar, but different question.

Question

What is your most common reply when people ask, "How are you?" How might changing that reply change your relationships?

Quote

"Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing." - Euripides